Emotions. Emotions are our very own messengers trying to tell us the truth about ourselves.
When we are angry, irritated, or resentful, this anger messenger is trying to tell us that some beliefs or standards that we hold are being violated. Yet many times we are just so focused on the messenger itself or the trigger of the emotion that we often do not hear out the lesson behind it. If we have heard the message, then we could do either of the following:
- Change our perspective. Perhaps trying to see things from another angle will help us understand the underlying cause of anger better. For example, I can get annoyed when my wife don’t make the bed, but I realise it’s just me trying to impose my standard and years of habit on her. That’s not fair.
- Change our system. If we have been doing the same thing and getting the same result which makes us angry, may be we should change the way we are doing things. For example, I have been pretty annoyed recently because I kept getting parking fines because I always forget to register my digital parking coupons. Hence I have since moved the parking app right to the front page of my phone which is more likely to remind me of parking since the phone is usually the first thing I look at after I parked. Not a perfect system but it’s working so far.
And we can apply these also to other emotions that we face such as guilt, frustration, regret, fear, discomfort, jealousy etc. All these emotions are trying to tell us that something is not right, most likely either the mindset or perspective we have, or the actions that we have been doing, or a combination of both.
In our heads we hold a particular set of rules and ideals about how our world runs. But in reality, the world likely differs in many ways to what’s in our head. So either we adjust our heads around it, or take the appropriate actions to adjust reality to bridge the gap.
Of course it’s not that easy, we will need to learn the difference between acceptance and taking action, just like the famously known serenity prayer: “… grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. ”
But first, listen. Listen to our very own messengers. Our emotions are here to help us, not just to piss us off.
My thoughts 